Archive Article

And then the Brides Changed Nappies

MAJOR REPORT - APRIL 2003 |

MAJOR REPORT - APRIL 2003

From December 2002 through to February 2003 the GLRL held a series of community consultations to see whether there was any support within the community for the changes we suggest.

Consultations in inner Sydney in early December were attended by mothers, and another later that month in inner Sydney by prospective mothers. We also held a consultation in the Blue Mountains in December attended by mothers and also by community lawyers and policy workers. In January we held a specific consultation for men in inner Sydney, attended by fathers and prospective fathers. In February we held two regional consultations: the first in Newcastle was attended by mothers, fathers, prospective mothers and community lawyers, while the second in Lismore was attended by mothers and community lawyers. Parents who attended our consultations had children in a wide range of family forms: while the majority were lesbian couples who had children together through donor insemination (of whom around half had done so through anonymous donors and half with known donors), there were also a number of single or separated lesbian mothers who had children through donor insemination. Most men present were biological fathers to children born to lesbian mothers; some of these men were actively involved in parenting the children along with their male partner who was the “other Dad”. A significant number of women and men who attended were foster carers to children, and there were also several parents who had children from previous heterosexual relationships.

While part of this report is concerned with putting in place dispute resolution mechanisms for “mum versus mum” and “mum versus donor or dad” disputes, it is important to note that the vast majority of parents who attended our consultations had harmonious and rewarding relationships with the other parents and adults involved in their child’s life. Several parents who attended suggested to prospective parents that they be aware of the importance of being very clear about their own and others’ expectations in advance of getting pregnant. Participants were divided on whether a written agreement was important prior to conception, but many people asked for assistance from the GLRL in developing model agreements to work from and a check-list of factors to consider when negotiating roles prior to conception (such as what the parties will be called, where the child will live, who will name the child, who will make educational and medical decisions about the child, who will be at the birth). Parents also urged those contemplating parenthood to be prepared to change over time as relationships changed and the child’s own wishes and views developed. As one father stated, “It’s compromise, compromise, compromise and love and good will that make it work.”

We are extremely grateful to everyone who came to these consultations to express their views, as well as to partner organisations who helped us to arrange and advertise these consultations - Rainbow Babies, the Leichhardt Women’s Health Centre, Nepean Community Legal Centre, Blue Mountains Community Legal Centre, ACON Hunter, ACON Northern Rivers, Hunter Community Legal Centre and Northern Rivers Community Legal Centre. Thanks also to Penny Cooper, Somali Ghosh and Anthony Powell for facilitating the consultations, and to the Law and Justice Foundation of NSW for providing funding to make such community consultation possible.