Archive Article

And baby makes three (or four, or five, or two)

MAJOR REPORT - APRIL 2003 |

MAJOR REPORT - APRIL 2003

While we cannot say with any certainty exactly how many lesbian and gay parents exist, how many co-parenting couples have separated, what proportion of lesbian mothers are sharing residence or parental responsibility of children with gay fathers, or how much contact gay fathers are having with children born through donor insemination, there are some clear trends that emerge from available information.

Unless otherwise noted, all statements about family forms and the division of labour are drawn from (GLRL, 2002) which draws together available research on lesbian and gay family forms from the UK, USA and Australia through the 1980s and 1990s. The studies relied upon can be examined there in much more detail.

Statements that were clearly borne out in our consultations are marked with a pink triangle ().

•	Up to 10% of gay men and 20% of lesbians are parents.
Up to half of these parents have had children in the context of a previous heterosexual relationship, but this proportion appears to be gradually declining.
The vast majority of lesbian mothers now having babies are doing so through donor insemination.
Most, but not all, lesbian parents are having children in a lesbian couple (about 85%).
Lesbian couples who have more than one child together often exchange roles as biological mother and co-mother.
Lesbian co-mothers share a large amount (but not quite half) of the child care and home responsibilities with mothers, and both co-mothers and mothers see themselves as “equal parents”.
Many lesbian mothers having children through donor insemination do so with known donors (up to 50-70%).
Most, but not all, known donors are gay men.
Of the gay men who are known donors, between half to two thirds of them have some contact with the child.
•	Of the donor-dads who have contact with the child, around half of them had regular contact (so up to 20-25% of children born to lesbian mothers have regular contact with their biological father).
A small but significant portion of donor-dads acted as co-parents with regular contact and some degree of responsibility in the child’s life (this could be up to 10% of known donors).
In virtually all families lesbian mothers are the “primary parents”, having residence of the child, giving primary care and exercising parental responsibility by making all important decisions about the child (where they live, go to school, medical care etc).
Contact with children appears to be a major issue facing gay fathers.(5)
Disputes between separating mothers and co-mothers over issues of residence, contact and child support appear to be more common than disputes between mothers and donor-dads over contact.6
Lesbian parents who have been surveyed are almost universally in favour of equal legal recognition being afforded to co-mothers and mothers.
•	Lesbian parents are divided on whether there should be some limited legal recognition of known donors, or none at all.
Donor-dads want some legal recognition that varies in form and process according to individual circumstances.