And baby makes three (or four, or five, or two)

While we cannot say with any certainty exactly how many lesbian and gay parents exist, how many co-parenting couples have separated, what proportion of lesbian mothers are sharing residence or parental responsibility of children with gay fathers, or how much contact gay fathers are having with children born through donor insemination, there are some clear trends that emerge from available information.

Unless otherwise noted, all statements about family forms and the division of labour are drawn fromMeet the Parents (GLRL, 2002) which draws together available research on lesbian and gay family forms from the UK, USA and Australia through the 1980s and 1990s. The studies relied upon can be examined there in much more detail.

Up to 10% of gay men and 20% of lesbians are parents
Up to half of these parents have had children in the context of a previous heterosexual relationship, but this proportion is gradually declining
The vast majority of lesbian mothers now having babies are doing so through donor insemination
Most, but not all, lesbian parents are having children in a lesbian couple (about 85%)
Lesbian couples who have more than one child together often exchange roles as biological mother and co-mother
Lesbian co-mothers share a large amount (but not quite half) of the child care and home responsibilities with mothers, and both co-mothers and mothers see themselves as “equal parents”
Most lesbian mothers having children through donor insemination do so with known donors (around 50-70%)
Most, but not all, known donors are gay men
Of the gay men who are known donors, between half to two thirds of them have some contact with the child
Of the donor-dads who have contact with the child, around half of them had regular contact (so up to 20-25% of children born to lesbian mothers have regular contact with their biological father)
A small but significant portion of donor-dads acted as co-parents with regular contact and some degree of responsibility in the child’s life (up to 10% of known donors)
In virtually all families the lesbian mothers were the “primary parents”, having residence of the child, giving primary care and exercising parental responsibility by making all important decisions about the child (where they lived, went to school, medical care etc)
Contact with children appears to be a major issue facing gay fathers
Disputes between separating mothers and co-mothers over issues of residence, contact and child support appear to be more common than disputes between mothers and donor-dads over contact
Lesbian parents who have been surveyed are almost universally in favour of equal legal recognition being afforded to co-mothers and mothers
Lesbian parents who have been surveyed are equally divided on whether there should be some limited legal recognition of known donors, or none at all
The views of donor-dads on recognising their relationships with children are not yet known

Nappies is for consultation

Who is parenting and how

And baby makes three (or four, or five, or two)

How the laws affect our lives

Current recognition avenues

Recognition Options for the future

What we favour and why

We recommend

Nappies Consultation:
Expression of Interest

MAJOR REPORT - OCTOBER 2002

And then… the brides changed nappies

And baby makes three (or four, or five, or two)